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Writing a Letter Home to a Soldier’s Parents- Motivation that Changes Lives

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As a young 1SG I encountered a high speed Captain in our Battalion Commo.  She was always finding ways to motivate Soldiers and get more out of her Soldiers. I was extremely impressed with her.  Eventually we struck up a professional relationship and without knowing it she began to mentor me.

One afternoon the subject revolved around how to motivate Soldiers in an environment with limited opportunities for recognition.  She looked at me and asked “Hey 1SG you ever think about writing a letter home to the Soldier’s parents or Spouse?”  Naturally being the immature hard ass I was.. my response was something like “And why the hell would I write Mommy and Daddy?”  She replied with her usual smile and in her you just don’t get it do you sarcastic voice “How would you feel if the Battalion Commander took a moment to write a letter home to your parents”.

Basically she outlined a letter in which I would introduce myself as the unit 1SG and that I just wanted to reach out to these parents and let them know what a great Soldier their child was, describe the job they were doing and some recent achievements, and add that I was proud to serve with such a fine Soldier.  I thought about this for a few minutes and said what do I have to lose?

I sat down that evening and identified 5 Soldiers in my unit that were outstanding Soldiers.  I prepared a letter for their parents and in some cases a spouse.  Then I took the draft letters to my Commander.  After all I was just the 1SG, he is the Commander and he deserves to be the guy talking to Mom and Dad about AWESOME performance of Soldiers within his unit.  My Commander thought it was a great idea, but then he did something else.  He looked at me and said something hey TOP, you are always telling me how we are a team. You did all this work for me to get the glory….I replied “Roger Sir”…He replied Nope…It’s a team effort…how about we both sign these letters.  Gotta love a great boss!

So the next step was to figure how to get the address and name of the Soldier’s parents and then get Soldier’s approval to send the letter.  I prepared a formal counseling statement that informed the Soldier I was proud of their performance and that I would like to send the letter to a loved one of their choice.  The counseling requested their approval to send the letter and the address along with the name of the individual I was to address the letter to.  I also allowed them to read a copy of the letter.

I was not prepared for what happened next.  The impact on the Soldier and by extension myself and the unit was intense.  These Soldiers were moved emotionally.  One began to cry, another said something like thanks Top, I don’t think I can describe to you what this means to me.  No one has ever done anything like this for me.

Then some other things happened I was not expecting.  These Soldiers went out and shared this experience with others in the unit and it created a buzz in the company…like WOW TOP and the Old Man care about us.  Then other Soldiers started asking…So TOP, do you think you could send a letter home to my folks?  My response was we don’t hand those out.  They are earned based on performance and character. As I walked away I thought to myself really, I have Soldiers and some Leaders looking for recognition through a letter from me and the Old Man. Wow!

Last but not least I was not prepared for what happened next.  About 3 weeks after we mailed the letters I received a reply from a parent.  They thanked me for writing as they had not heard from their son in years and was not even sure what was going on in their child’s life. If I recall correctly they did not even know their child was in the Army. They went on to say that their relationship with their child had not been a good one but that this letter had opened a door to a renewed relationship and they were talking again.  Being honest I cried, holy crap a letter did this. Wow!

So what that young Captain taught me that day was something I never forgot.  It wasn’t about a letter, it was about being a caring leader and I will never forget the impact those letters had on the Soldiers, their loved ones, the unit, and the personal impact they had on me.

Take a few minutes to draft a sincere letter about some high speed Soldiers in your unit.  You will be surprised at what comes out of it.  I continued to use this simple leadership tool for the rest of my career. Even as a Command Sergeant Major I wrote letters home to the loved ones of high speed Soldiers.  I would caution you to make sure you only send these letters out to loved ones of deserving Soldiers.

So the process is: select a great Soldier, type the letter, type the counseling, call the Soldier in to read the counseling and letter, obtain the name and address of the individual and mail the letter.  By the way a formal letter on nice quality paper is much more meaningful than an email.  It has a signature, it is one unit letterhead, and it is on high quality paper.  That says a lot.

I find this quote appropriate “A Soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon”- Napoleon Bonaparte

I would like to give a Special Thanks to the young Captain that mentored me that day: her name is:  Christina (Guthrie) Schweiss.  Ma’am that day in Germany you did not just teach me about motivating Soldiers you taught me a strong and meaningful leadership lesson with a dose of compassion and kindness.  I never forgot it.  I honestly feel that you helped me become a better leader that day. More importantly you helped me help others first!

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Mark is a Retired Command Sergeant Major with 26 years of military leadership experience. He held 3 military occupational specialties (Field Artillery, Nuclear Weapons Tech, and Ammunition Ordnance). Mark is one of the leading military authors in the fields of leadership, counseling, and training.

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