A SPC & SSG are involved not married, living overseas, and PCSing to different US locations- What are their options? | AskTOP.net – Leader Development for Army Professionals

A SPC & SSG are involved not married, living overseas, and PCSing to different US locations- What are their options?

A SPC and SSG in the same unit overseas. They are now expecting a baby but are in fear of disclosing their relationship. Both are scheduled to leave their overseas assignment and will be stationed at different units in the states. They are distraught! Mom is getting very depressed and constantly upset. She will not get help out of fear. She wants to stay in. Is there any recourse for mom at all?

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Without knowing the complete story it is hard to give a complete response.

If adultery is not involved I do not see why these two individuals would have these problems because AR 600-20 does not necessarily prevent enlisted personnel from being in a relationship. If the SSG is her supervisor then this is an issue. Otherwise they should be good to go.

If the only violation is that they are a SPC and SSG in the same unit I am not sure this is such a big legal issue.  If this is the case the Soldiers can contact the IG and/or JAG and do so anonymously and lay out their case to see if they actually did anything wrong.  In many cases while the Army does not approve of these types of relationship they are not necessarily illegal.  So it might be best for them to sit down with a qualified source like a JAG officer and discuss the issue.  If I am not mistaken they can speak to a JAG officer about the issue in confidence without fear of their actions being disclosed.  I know the Chaplain and medical authority to a certain degree are protected communications.  I also believe JAG falls in this category for most things.

Their options are

The young lady or man can:

1. Contact their HRC assignments manager and discuss the issue and see if they are willing to change their assignments.

2. Consider extending in country and then they can get married, enroll in the MACP and try to be assigned together when their extension is over.

3. Once married they can apply for the Army Married Couple Program and Joint Domicile but this will not help them until their next assignment, if they have already PCS’d to the states.

4. Another option is that while overseas they can get married both can apply for a continued overseas tour either at their current location or in Germany, Hawaii, etc.  If approved they are assigned together.

5.  Another option is usually after12-18 months on station you can volunteer for an overseas assignment.  So if they are both in the states and they get married they can both volunteer for an overseas assignment using the MACP.  Then they can be assigned overseas together.  This means 12-24 months apart but it syncs their assignments dates so the chances of staying together are  better.

6.  the Soldier can get married to the SSG, then elect to separate from service based on pregnancy and the cost of the birth will be as a dependent to the husband.

7. Marriage by Proxy: They could do a marriage by proxy, get their marriage certificate, enroll in the married couples program and then work with their assignment managers to change their assignments because they are legally married.

See this website:

http://www.marriagebyproxy.com/military.php?gclid=CLiam4uxlbsCFU5o7AodC2gAtA

8.  Another option is if the Soldier takes the chapter and becomes a dependent she can enter the reserves at the location in which the husband is stationed and then she can choose to apply for active duty and come back on active duty within 3 years.  However there are no guarantees.

The big issue I see if the young Soldier may be depressed.  If this is the case she needs to seek assistance from someone that can help her work through this.  Chaplain or medical authority are usually best.  If all options fail the Chaplain might be able to work some magic and get the assignment section to change a set of orders.  This is rare but possible.

I understand this is a very difficult position and if they both decide to stay in the Army if will be the first of many difficult challenges.  It is difficult to be married to a Soldier. It is even harder to raise a family together and be assigned together.

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Mark is a Retired Command Sergeant Major with 26 years of military leadership experience. He held 3 military occupational specialties (Field Artillery, Nuclear Weapons Tech, and Ammunition Ordnance). Mark is one of the leading military authors in the fields of leadership, counseling, and training.

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