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Personality Conflicts – Pick the Battles Worth Fighting

The following is an extract from the book Move Out The Insider’s Guide for Military Leaders Just as military units avoid committing their forces to diversionary attacks and feints, leaders must be alert to being drawn into minor skirmishes that sap their strength and divert valuable assets from the mission. On an individual level, personality conflicts are a prime example of this. Leaders can allow themselves to become snarled in clashes of personal style that take enormous amounts of mental energy and are ultimately self-defeating.


SSG. Newnan worked for a section chief who was blunt to the point of rudeness. The chief’s attitude not only toward the members of his section, but to SSG. Newnan personally was extremely irritating. SSG. Newnan alternated between being mad at his chief and trying to figure out how to change the chief’s behavior. He attempted to talk directly to his chief about it, but every time he tried, the chief dismissed him with a brusque comment which infuriated him even more. SSG. Newnan found it increasingly difficult to work for his section chief and it began to show. After several months, the sergeant major took SSG. Newman aside one afternoon and said, “You’re a good squad leader and you’re wasting a lot of energy being angry with your chief. You’re right. He’s hard to get along with. That’s just the way he is and you aren’t going to change him. Get focused on the mission and on taking care of your soldiers. Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

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Mark is a Retired Command Sergeant Major with 26 years of military leadership experience. He held 3 military occupational specialties (Field Artillery, Nuclear Weapons Tech, and Ammunition Ordnance). Mark is one of the leading military authors in the fields of leadership, counseling, and training.

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